We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
