This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
