I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize