Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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