I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
