im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
