I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
