Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize