It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
