I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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