I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Randomize
