My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize