then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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