my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
