So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
How external is "for external use only"?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
