I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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