What a fucking waste of an outfit
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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