Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize