it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
