Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I met the friendliest cop last night
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
