Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
