We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
