I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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