he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
