HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
