I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
