I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
