It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
