Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
