There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
