Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
