I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
