the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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