I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
