we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
