Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
