i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she peed on how many people?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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