not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
That's when you crack a 10am beer
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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