your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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