He disabled his match.com account in front of me
tell your sister to shave her snatch
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
