So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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