Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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