On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
