this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
