Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i dont even know how to be here
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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