I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
