We're facebook friends in real life
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
