hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
