I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
