Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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