I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
