I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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