Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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