Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
