your room smells of hookers.
And success
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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