I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
