I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You are a genius and a whore.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
