he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
