5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
