can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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