im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
