so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i used baking grease as lip gloss
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
