told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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