She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize