I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
